precious

i keep trying. i try just for you, angel. i miss your skin. your lips. everything from your head to your toes. most of all, i missed this. the sweetness of your tone. at the end of the day i am yours, you are mine, and nothing can get between us–not even my horrible thoughts. there is not a cure to my thoughts, im sorry. it is all i have to offer. i listen to music all the time, but no song compares to your laugh when i tell you something stupid over the phone. i love you.

take my whole heart. it's only for you.

atavan

 i have a friend, let's call him J. i have not talked to him since october of 2024. no, nothing happened between us besides life. i would like to talk to him more, but that is not the point of the post. he does not use any social media, and deletes most of the things he does end up posting. i envy his writing. i have since i first stumbled across his blog, i was starstruck by this 14-15 year old writer that had the best vocabulary to grace my eyes. like seriously, this guy is so talented. he even plays guitar. even though he deletes his writing, i save it in my notes like some guilty pleasure. i show it off to my friends. i do not think he knows how much incredible potential he holds in the palm of his hands. i wish i had palms like that, but mine are just a sweaty mess that cant seem to hold a pencil right(write) and i smear pen ink wherever i go.

i am jealous, but i deeply respect his work. it is rooted in admiration and idolization rather than malice. in the wise words of J, "this is what you call real poetry so genuine so human unlike my old entries like this is the real shit THE shit"